The Ponderings of NLK

ACADEMIA

2011-01-31T10:23:00.000-08:00

I've often thought that education is wasted on the young. I confess, I spent much of my college experience, playing tennis, trying to figure out what I was going to wear the next day, and hanging out at Denny's attempting to study, (but really I was checking out the weirdness of the late night crowd).

I didn't do terribly in my college courses, surprisingly. I managed to show up when and where I was suppose too. What I missed out on was the excitement that goes along with learning something new, the thrill, and tingle of information, previously unknown.

At 30 something I have an almost unquenchable desire to learn things. I'm not super picky about what it is, although human behavior is probably my favorite..

So....... that being said, I'm taking myself back to school. When I was in college the older students were always the ones who had a clue, a sense of purpose.... Maybe this time around that will be me..

I'm terrified, excited, curious, and OLD.

What's that they say?? Ah, yes, better late than never.

Wish me luck!

So I Went...

2010-08-09T14:28:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how long I've sat and wondered about what's out there. It's been quite a while though, a year or 3, time has started blurring together.

Typically I'm okay with just wondering, or reading about other places and things, but somehow the travel bug wormed its way under my skin and would not let me be, until I went.

A month ago I embarked on my journey across the world. I wanted to know and experience things outside of my sphere and comfort zone.

What I discovered is that people are people no matter what their address. The culture may be different, the language they speak, the food they eat, their world view or their politics, those things may be different but their core is still human, just like mine.

Body language, expressions, eye rolling, laughter, wailing children, anger, addiction, vanity, frustration... these things are universal.

In Italy you have to ask for your check, they wont bring it to you, you could sit at your table all night, no one cares, a tip isn't expected. Here they bring you your check, but they also fill your water, bring you more bread, and ask if they can bring anything else. If you don't leave a tip they'll talk bad about you the rest of the night.

In the US panhandlers come in all shapes and sizes. In Italy the only people I saw begging were, either young mothers carrying chubby two year olds asleep on their shoulders, or Indians (as in East Indian). In Florence the nicest hotel we stayed at had a beautiful fountain out front. Homeless people came there with their cardboard houses and did their laundry in the fountain.

In Italy women look at other women from the tip of their head to the tips of their toes. They don't care if you notice. It is as though they're comparing themselves. I loved the confidence they all seemed to carry on their high heels. It didn't seem to me that they are plagued with insecurities the same way women are here. Women there swagger. Their swagger amused me.

The streets are packed the buildings are beautiful, history is everywhere, but so are cell phones.

I loved watching families on the train, there seemed to be an openness between parents and teens, a sort of shared bond, shared secrets. Sometimes when I watch families here I see loneliness.

I didn't see any obese Italian people. I'm not sure what all the reasons are. They eat slower, they eat fresher, they walk everywhere, these are just some potential factors.

Nothing is disposable, styrofoam is practically non existent in Italy I ate on metal flatware the entire time I was there. Everything there is smaller, the bathrooms in public places have 3 stalls, not 25. There are few bath tubs, but bidets everywhere.

In retrospect at this point I think there are lots of things I could learn from the Italian people, things that would benefit me. However there are definitely a few things they could learn from me as well... I'm still compiling my list. :D

In summary it takes all kinds to make this crazy, beautiful, awful world go around. I'm glad I live here where the air is fresh, and cool. I'm also glad I went there where the people are warm, expressive, and loud....

I'm not sure where my next adventure will take me, but my favorite place is always where my treasures are..

A Spring walk, amidst the drizzle....

2010-03-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

I had the most unusual day today. My babysitter showed up while I was in my pajamas, clearly not going to work, which is the only time she comes over to watch my children. Our miscommunication turned out to be a beautiful piece of luck.

I went to get my tires changed.

Read on, there is more to it than that.

Not only did the tires need to be changed but the rotors and brakes as well. That meant that I had several hours and no children. A rare and precious gift, which you might be able to understand if you're a stay at home, homeschooling mom, with 3 children 7 and under.

Anyway this post is about how I spent my delicious hours of quiet, I spent it inside my own mind, as I walked the rainy streets of my town.

I've lived here for 7 years. I have never just strolled along Main street or any other street for that matter. This is Montana you drive wherever you're going, because it's likely 50 miles away. The tire shop however is within walking distance of everything downtown. I walked past Montana Coffee Traders, and let my mouth water over the memory of a very yummy spinach roll I had there once. Then I went to Colters another coffee shop and bought some gifts for a much beloved friend. I wandered over to the post office to send said gifts, made my way to the health food store to return a wrongly purchased item, and then with no other thing needing to be done, I walked.......

The chill made my nose red and my cheeks pink, the rain made my hair freak and frizz, the fresh air made my brain come alive and I realized something profound........ I love being alive!

I love to smell, to taste, to see, to touch.. I love drinking beauty in through all of my senses.

Here is the important part. I haven't always been this way. Before the last year or so I was mostly a shell. I was living a life intentionally, and with deliberateness, but devoid of any real passion. I used to feel squashed, and censored, shamed and guilt ridden, controlled and angry, I'm not even sure I can express all the reasons I felt that way. I'm not sure I can point to any one reason why I don't feel that way now. What I do know is that I like passion... I don't want to go back the the dry beige human equivalent of cardboard that I used to be... Perhaps that isn't how anyone saw me, but it certainly was how it felt inside, at least in retrospect.

So here is my challenge, to myself as well as to whoever might be reading this. Sniff, rub, taste, feel, sing, yell, express, touch, look, and take it all in.... after you've done that, take a deep breath laced with gratitude, and then tomorrow do it all over again. Whatever you do relish this strange and beautiful thing called life.....

By the way Spiffy this was mostly inspired by you, as you are one of the most ALIVE people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Sweet dream on and all,

nlk

Words worth speaking??

2010-03-23T19:59:00.000-07:00

I must confess, although I know it's best not to compare, I've done just that. I received an e mail this morning from a dearly beloved friend who I have the utmost respect for. She sent me a link to a blog. The blog entry was about encouraging your spouse. It was beautifully written. It touched me, it made me cry. I don't cry much, so that is my way of saying it moved me deeply. What moved me more was what I read this evening about the woman whose blog it is. I read some of her other entries, her views on life, on belief, on God..... In comparing, I'm not jealous. Although I could never capture with words what she is able to express so eloquently, no in comparing I'm challenged.

What have I said that has lifted up my fellow journeyer? What have I said that has brought glory to the One I say I believe in? What have I said that has changed the heart, or made lighter the load of any other person?

The past year has been full of questions. The answers have been slow to come, mostly because I've had my fingers in my ears and have been running in the opposite direction of what I've known deep down all along. I've slowed my retreat, I've taken my fingers out of my ears, I've turned my face toward the giver of all wisdom. The Father of second chances or 9 million..

My love asked me today, "what can I do to find my passion to fill my voids? What do I need to keep myself honest?" Perhaps I've found a bit of the answer to those questions today. Sweet words of acknowledgement and praise from a sincere heart, words that found a resounding chord in my heart. I think part of the answer for me, may be speaking words of love and encouragement to those along the path, that carry the same woes, or different woes than mine.

It feels right. It seems noble. I want to lift up rather than vent. I want to find solutions rather than rehearse my angst. I want, I want, I need, I need to share, to openly say that in my struggles if I can help someone else with theirs, my life will not have been for naught.

Dreaming of coffee in Bellagio...

2010-02-16T16:40:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one who occasionally wants to run away from home? Don't call the authorities, I'm not 12, I'm thirty something.

Today I woke up overwhelmed with the pressure of life. It presses in on all sides. Honestly it is a wonder that more people don't implode.

There is pressure to be a good mommy, a good wife, a good person, a good employee, a good example, a good Christian, a good home schooler, a good friend................ the list goes on.

What happens when you don't feel like doing all that is expected of you anymore?

You take a long hot bath, pray that the desire to press on and hold fast returns, and try to remember all the things you have to be thankful for. I'll let you know how this recipe turns out, in 5 months or so, when I write my next blog entry..

The Civic's curse.

2009-10-01T02:34:00.000-07:00

Once there was a little red Honda Civic. She had her day, her time of usefulness. She was after all nothing, if not reliable. She outstayed her welcome, by a few years at least. This past February I purposely put her in a snow bank to make a point. Enough really is enough.

It was as though she hid behind this veil of protection, never a dented fender, never a scratch from the car who parked too close. It seemed she was determined to mock me with her longevity.

We replaced her last March. Her replacement has been in 2 accidents, the first the front end and last night the back. It's had a couple of flat tires and a brand new set of four put on... I have to wonder if she isn't somehow paying me back for every grumbling complaint, and nasty comment? She seems to be saying from her old car haven wherever that is.... "see I wasn't sooooo bad after all!'

He let her stay...... for a little while!

2009-10-01T02:22:00.000-07:00

We have night time wanders here at our house, 3 to be exact.

Pumpkin almost never wanders, only if she's had a bad dream, or if it's really windy outside.

Yoni wanders for practical purposes. His covers are messed up. He needs more water. He wet his bed. He has a bloody nose. He can't find Girrafe-y. All good reasons to wander over to the powers that be, who sleep on the other side of the house, he lodges his complaint. His issues are addressed, all things are righted, and back to sleep he goes.

Snoofie, she wanders the most frequently. Her reasons are varied and complex, and sometimes difficult to discern at 2 am. The other Warden almost always asks her the problem, and sends her on her way straight back to bed, not this morning however. This morning he let her stay for a while. She assumed her position arms wrapped tight around my neck, her nose 2 cm.'s from mine, and this morning I was grateful.. Grateful she stayed for a bit to give and receive a little love and reassurance, with her little nose almost touching mine.

Good bye Sweet September!!

2009-10-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

Our Indian summer came to a screeching halt as the calendar started to turn it's page. Good bye Sweet September with all of your sun, and balmy temps, your gentle breezes, and whispered warnings of shorter days, and grey-er skies. I'll miss your subtleties. The not so obvious gradual changes of color, the cooler mornings, the smell of chilly... Good bye. In your final hours, the rain came down, the clouds descended, the jackets came out and the mountains peaks donned a lovely frost, as they peaked through the mist.

I can't help but think that you are a transition Sweet September, a settling in, a preparation for things to come.

So as you leave I'll take your lessons September: I'll settle in, life is changing, everyday is different. Every stage brings it's challenge and it's promise of sweetness. I'll settle in, say a fond good bye to what was, and embrace what is to come......

Conflict...

2009-09-25T05:09:00.000-07:00

Conflict! I don't like it, I avoid it, I'm super bad at it, it makes me uncomfortable, I have visceral reactions to it.

It's everywhere, it can't be avoided so my options are live in a bubble or get better at it. How does one get better at conflict? Does this mean I have to practice? Yikes. If so I suppose I should warn my dearly beloveds out there, that I'm on a mission to get better at conflict, and it may mean I actually wade into to that mirky water. BUT what if my dearly beloveds don't like me much anymore after I start practicing conflict instead of avoiding it?????

Anybody have any truly helpful advice for this turtle that likes to stay in the shell, until you bang on my shell too long and too hard, at which point I stick my head out to bite and then beat a hasty retreat back to my shell???????

Am I the only one with this problem?

September!

2009-09-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

It's September. September in Montana = Paradise on Earth. Don't be jealous, I have 6 months of winter headed my direction. For now however I'm basking in the subtle color changes, the warm weather, topped off with a gentle breeze.

The gloaming is amazing this time of year the mountains turn pink, as the sun sets The hay has all been baled, the quiet that comes with the end of summer and all of it's tourists is starting to echo back to me.

If I only had more time to drink it all in............

Heading to the Heartland...

2009-04-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving on a jet plane! Now that song is going to be stuck in my head. Today is Husby's 40 something birthday. We're going to celebrate by me flying to Porkopolis to watch him run the Flying Pig marathon. As a runner myself, I hate being the water girl. I'm going to be a great water girl this time around, I'm going to cheer, and be supportive, and not think about the fact that I'd rather be a participant than an observer. Instead, I'm actually going to make it all about him, for once, without any selfish surmisings of my own.

I'm not going to worry about Swine flu, how the kidlets are doing, or whether or not my plane is going to make it to it's destination.

The plan is to celebrate: life, health, love and all of the blessings I've had bestowed on me. The biggest of which is a dearest friend who I'm lucky enough to call husband, and may he live many more years!

Happy birthday beloved and friend!!!!!

Why I love the Blogosphere...

2009-04-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

If variety is the spice of life, then the blogosphere is a spicy place indeed. I was toggling through various sites, just hitting the next blog button, it was a virtual trip to be sure. Lets see, I ran into several scrap booking blogs, an Asian women blog, with lots of Asian women in orange hats. A blog about building muscle mass written in Spanish with huge pectoral muscles posted everywhere, a blog about Islamic bathing suits, modest to be sure...., a few sights selling baby clothes, and more blogs than I can count that were in a foreign language, which suits me fine because then I can make up what I think they may be saying. There is a blog about poker that I've visited, and I learned all kinds of things the other day about Freud that I never knew, there are lots of mommy blogs, and a few by homeschooling mommy-s. Those are not quite as interesting since, that is pretty much my reality, and it's the unfamiliar that I'm interested in.

Frankly, I am loving variety right now, and will take it where I can find it. I mentioned in an earlier post that I live in and love Big sky country, and we have variety here, mostly with regard to the weather. My friend, Miss Juicy lips, we'll call her, likes to say that spring in MT is bi-polar. That about sums it up. If you don't like the weather in MT wait 5 minutes, that's what the locals say anyway.

As for other kinds of variety, not so much. For example, there are more cows here than people, .2% of the population are non caucasian, lots of salt no pepper, rather dull in that regard. Let's see what else? There is no variety in the restaurant department. There are days that I'd be willing to draw blood for some good Indian food. The mall, well lets not even call our collection of 13 stores a mall... and so on, you're beginning to get the picture right? It's not really food or stores that I really feel hungry for though, with regard to variety. It's people, people with different thoughts, different lives, different world views, different tastes, different languages, life experiences, different politics, different religions. I've spent my whole life in a very small world, with people who look like me, talk like me, think like me, worship like me... Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I've loved those people. However, I am peering over the fence for the first time with more curiosity, than fear. I don't want to be exclusivistic anymore. I don't want to think that just because I'm English speaking, the rest of the world is too. I mean that last sentence figuratively, but it conveys my meaning.....

I've recently torn down some of my barriers. I've allowed myself to care for a few people with different ideals than my own. I've never felt so open. Someone remind me that while I'm enjoying those with differences, that familiarity is beautiful too./// or as Travis Tritt said once in an interview, don't forget the one that brought you to the dance.

Like I said, this is about expanding my horizons....... so that I can be a more complete, loving, and enlightened sort of woman.

My car the missile!

2009-04-26T21:52:00.000-07:00

As it happens, I've taken another life. How's that for a dramatic entry? Some would say deer are as common as rocks around here and that would be a true statement. However, for the first six years of residence here in God's country, I avoided the wide eyed, 4 legged wonders with relative ease. Sadly I've hit 2 deer in the last 3 months. The locals would say that deer strikes run in 3's. I'm desperately hoping that, that means the one Husby hit last October is included in that tally. I'm sure our insurance carrier is hoping the same thing. The good news is that I'm fine, the bad news is that my oldest daughter is starting to wonder about humans. As she was riding down the road with Husby, she asked, "deer don't really do anything do they dad?" They just sort of eat grass and that's it? Yes, that about sums it up. Why do some people want to kill them then? Hmmm? I doubt that she was talking about me, since technically I really don't WANT to kill them. Rather she was probably referring to hunters. A few weeks back she decided that we should stop trapping pocket gophers on our property, because after all, they have feelings too. So it seems we have a budding naturalist, or perhaps a PETA person on our hands.

Life with a Kindergartner here in the great wide open, it doesn't get much better than this, now I sound like a beer commercial.

Speaking of the great wide open, I love it. I've chosen it, it feels like home, when I leave, I'm always happy to fly back to our tiny airport with all 3 of it's gates.... BUT, as with anything this place can pinch, and confine. I never really noticed it until the last 6 months or so. I never really noticed a lot of things until the last 6 months or so......... Stay tuned, I want to tell you all about my awakenings........... Now that I've told you all about my murderous morning.

Later then..

BIG FAT KUDDOS...

2009-04-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

My nearly perfect husby left this morning on a jet plane. It's not him flying, or going that bothers me, although I miss him when he's gone. Oh no, it's the being a single parent that completely takes all that I have and more. So that begs the question, how do people do it???? I can't wrap my mind around having to raise children by myself. I sincerely pray that I never have to.

So if you happen to be reading this, and you're a single parent, can I just tell you that you amaze me? During this time alone with my children I'll be praying for and thinking of all of you that do the enormous task of guiding little ones, without a constant fellow teammate for support.

Here's my plan to make it through:

1- paper plates

2- eating outside if at all reasonable

3- early bedtimes for everyone especially mommy

4- putting everyone in room time as often as is necessary for me to regroup

5- calling in back up, if I feel in danger of doing anyone bodily damage

6- purchase and use an economy size jug of Calgon.

7- I'm sure there are more, that I just haven't come up with yet...

So to single parents everywhere KUDDOS......... Be kind to yourself as often as possible because your job is unbelievably hard!

Ode to Curry...

2009-04-19T14:31:00.000-07:00

We've just returned from a belated Easter brunch. It was complete with egg hunt, prizes, outdoor frolicking for the kids, but most importantly some OH SO YUMMY FOOD!

Sandy, also known as the Goddess of hospitality is incapable of doing anything on a small scale. She was the hostess, she and her husband Karl truly have a gift. This is an annual bash that they pull off. I'm happy to report that this year there were no snow drifts. It was actually nearly 70 degrees, quite balmy.

Back to the food, and therefore the subject of my post. Let me just say that I am far from a rock star in the kitchen, but there are a few things that I make that draw rave reviews wherever I take them. Today's hit was my potato egg curry recipe. I'll attach it at the end of my post. Just to give you an idea of how good it is, I had 3 rds, and I'm generally not a compulsive overeater. If I believed in reincarnation, and could choose who I was in a past life, I would most likely have been, a man who lived somewhere, where curry was a regular/ daily part of my diet...

Potato Egg Curry Caserole

6 med. potatoes

6 eggs

1 can of mushroom soup/ 8oz's

1 pint of sour cream

1 stick of butter

1.5 tsp of salt

1/2 tsp of curry powder/ heaping

bread crumbs to sprinkle on top

Directions:

1- boil potatoes and eggs

2- over low heat melt the butter then add remaining ingredients

3- spray 9x13" pan with pam

4- slice 3 potatoes, and spread in bottom of pan, follow with 3 egss

5- pour half of the sauce mixture over the potatoes and eggs

6- repeat steps 4+5.

7- sprinkle with bread crumbs

8- bake at 300 degrees for 30-40 minutes.

Enjoy... I'd love to take the credit, but I got this one from Heather, a friend in Florida... I discovered it at a baby shower, and made a glutton of myself then too..

Cheers,

NLK

Confessions of a Working Mother....

2009-04-17T13:40:00.001-07:00

Well first let it be said that all mothers work. (Well most anyway). I am a stay at home mom with 3 little chicks. Pumpkin is 6, Snoofie Poofie is 2.5 as is her twin brother Yoni Boney.
I do however get to go into professional mode occasionally and work a couple of days a month.
Here is the confession, and I feel guilty for even saying it, but when I leave to go to work, I get in the car, and practically zoom out ot the driveway, with the radio cranked and a huge smile on my face. Why? Well......... I do love my job but that is a minor contributing factor... Here are the other larger ones.
1) Adult conversations
2) When I go to the bathroom no one comes with me.
3) I don't have to change my patients clothes.
4) There is no wiping involved.
5) Someone makes me lunch not the other way around
6) ..... they pay me....
7) Best of all when I come home I've been missed, and I remember while looking at the faces of my 3 cherubs exactly why I'm a stay at home mom.... Most of the time..

Getting my feet wet....

2009-04-15T19:53:00.000-07:00

So here we go... I am notoriously slow at taking advice. I have had several loved ones tell me that I need to start a blog, find an outlet, journal, write a book.... The time has come apparently, to do all of the above. This space if you will, is going to be my means of self expression for the time being. We'll see how it goes.

A word of warning, I'm verbose, tend to ramble, don't always make sense and am the absolute queen, of the run on sentence. If none of the above have frightened you away, then stay tuned. I love to laugh, mostly at myself and the ironies of life, crying is also an acceptable expression of emotion, so I may do some of that too. In short I can't wait..... Now, here's hoping that I can think of things to say!