ACADEMIA

I've often thought that education is wasted on the young. I confess, I spent much of my college experience, playing tennis, trying to figure out what I was going to wear the next day, and hanging out at Denny's attempting to study, (but really I was checking out the weirdness of the late night crowd).

I didn't do terribly in my college courses, surprisingly. I managed to show up when and where I was suppose too. What I missed out on was the excitement that goes along with learning something new, the thrill, and tingle of information, previously unknown.

At 30 something I have an almost unquenchable desire to learn things. I'm not super picky about what it is, although human behavior is probably my favorite..

So....... that being said, I'm taking myself back to school. When I was in college the older students were always the ones who had a clue, a sense of purpose.... Maybe this time around that will be me..

I'm terrified, excited, curious, and OLD.

What's that they say?? Ah, yes, better late than never.

Wish me luck!

So I Went...

I can't tell you how long I've sat and wondered about what's out there. It's been quite a while though, a year or 3, time has started blurring together.

Typically I'm okay with just wondering, or reading about other places and things, but somehow the travel bug wormed its way under my skin and would not let me be, until I went.

A month ago I embarked on my journey across the world. I wanted to know and experience things outside of my sphere and comfort zone.

What I discovered is that people are people no matter what their address. The culture may be different, the language they speak, the food they eat, their world view or their politics, those things may be different but their core is still human, just like mine.

Body language, expressions, eye rolling, laughter, wailing children, anger, addiction, vanity, frustration... these things are universal.

In Italy you have to ask for your check, they wont bring it to you, you could sit at your table all night, no one cares, a tip isn't expected. Here they bring you your check, but they also fill your water, bring you more bread, and ask if they can bring anything else. If you don't leave a tip they'll talk bad about you the rest of the night.

In the US panhandlers come in all shapes and sizes. In Italy the only people I saw begging were, either young mothers carrying chubby two year olds asleep on their shoulders, or Indians (as in East Indian). In Florence the nicest hotel we stayed at had a beautiful fountain out front. Homeless people came there with their cardboard houses and did their laundry in the fountain.

In Italy women look at other women from the tip of their head to the tips of their toes. They don't care if you notice. It is as though they're comparing themselves. I loved the confidence they all seemed to carry on their high heels. It didn't seem to me that they are plagued with insecurities the same way women are here. Women there swagger. Their swagger amused me.

The streets are packed the buildings are beautiful, history is everywhere, but so are cell phones.

I loved watching families on the train, there seemed to be an openness between parents and teens, a sort of shared bond, shared secrets. Sometimes when I watch families here I see loneliness.

I didn't see any obese Italian people. I'm not sure what all the reasons are. They eat slower, they eat fresher, they walk everywhere, these are just some potential factors.

Nothing is disposable, styrofoam is practically non existent in Italy I ate on metal flatware the entire time I was there. Everything there is smaller, the bathrooms in public places have 3 stalls, not 25. There are few bath tubs, but bidets everywhere.

In retrospect at this point I think there are lots of things I could learn from the Italian people, things that would benefit me. However there are definitely a few things they could learn from me as well... I'm still compiling my list. :D

In summary it takes all kinds to make this crazy, beautiful, awful world go around. I'm glad I live here where the air is fresh, and cool. I'm also glad I went there where the people are warm, expressive, and loud....

I'm not sure where my next adventure will take me, but my favorite place is always where my treasures are..

A Spring walk, amidst the drizzle....

I had the most unusual day today. My babysitter showed up while I was in my pajamas, clearly not going to work, which is the only time she comes over to watch my children. Our miscommunication turned out to be a beautiful piece of luck.

I went to get my tires changed.

Read on, there is more to it than that.

Not only did the tires need to be changed but the rotors and brakes as well. That meant that I had several hours and no children. A rare and precious gift, which you might be able to understand if you're a stay at home, homeschooling mom, with 3 children 7 and under.

Anyway this post is about how I spent my delicious hours of quiet, I spent it inside my own mind, as I walked the rainy streets of my town.

I've lived here for 7 years. I have never just strolled along Main street or any other street for that matter. This is Montana you drive wherever you're going, because it's likely 50 miles away. The tire shop however is within walking distance of everything downtown. I walked past Montana Coffee Traders, and let my mouth water over the memory of a very yummy spinach roll I had there once. Then I went to Colters another coffee shop and bought some gifts for a much beloved friend. I wandered over to the post office to send said gifts, made my way to the health food store to return a wrongly purchased item, and then with no other thing needing to be done, I walked.......

The chill made my nose red and my cheeks pink, the rain made my hair freak and frizz, the fresh air made my brain come alive and I realized something profound........ I love being alive!

I love to smell, to taste, to see, to touch.. I love drinking beauty in through all of my senses.

Here is the important part. I haven't always been this way. Before the last year or so I was mostly a shell. I was living a life intentionally, and with deliberateness, but devoid of any real passion. I used to feel squashed, and censored, shamed and guilt ridden, controlled and angry, I'm not even sure I can express all the reasons I felt that way. I'm not sure I can point to any one reason why I don't feel that way now. What I do know is that I like passion... I don't want to go back the the dry beige human equivalent of cardboard that I used to be... Perhaps that isn't how anyone saw me, but it certainly was how it felt inside, at least in retrospect.

So here is my challenge, to myself as well as to whoever might be reading this. Sniff, rub, taste, feel, sing, yell, express, touch, look, and take it all in.... after you've done that, take a deep breath laced with gratitude, and then tomorrow do it all over again. Whatever you do relish this strange and beautiful thing called life.....

By the way Spiffy this was mostly inspired by you, as you are one of the most ALIVE people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Sweet dream on and all,

nlk

Words worth speaking??

I must confess, although I know it's best not to compare, I've done just that. I received an e mail this morning from a dearly beloved friend who I have the utmost respect for. She sent me a link to a blog. The blog entry was about encouraging your spouse. It was beautifully written. It touched me, it made me cry. I don't cry much, so that is my way of saying it moved me deeply. What moved me more was what I read this evening about the woman whose blog it is. I read some of her other entries, her views on life, on belief, on God..... In comparing, I'm not jealous. Although I could never capture with words what she is able to express so eloquently, no in comparing I'm challenged.

What have I said that has lifted up my fellow journeyer? What have I said that has brought glory to the One I say I believe in? What have I said that has changed the heart, or made lighter the load of any other person?

The past year has been full of questions. The answers have been slow to come, mostly because I've had my fingers in my ears and have been running in the opposite direction of what I've known deep down all along. I've slowed my retreat, I've taken my fingers out of my ears, I've turned my face toward the giver of all wisdom. The Father of second chances or 9 million..

My love asked me today, "what can I do to find my passion to fill my voids? What do I need to keep myself honest?" Perhaps I've found a bit of the answer to those questions today. Sweet words of acknowledgement and praise from a sincere heart, words that found a resounding chord in my heart. I think part of the answer for me, may be speaking words of love and encouragement to those along the path, that carry the same woes, or different woes than mine.

It feels right. It seems noble. I want to lift up rather than vent. I want to find solutions rather than rehearse my angst. I want, I want, I need, I need to share, to openly say that in my struggles if I can help someone else with theirs, my life will not have been for naught.

Dreaming of coffee in Bellagio...

Am I the only one who occasionally wants to run away from home? Don't call the authorities, I'm not 12, I'm thirty something.

Today I woke up overwhelmed with the pressure of life. It presses in on all sides. Honestly it is a wonder that more people don't implode.

There is pressure to be a good mommy, a good wife, a good person, a good employee, a good example, a good Christian, a good home schooler, a good friend................ the list goes on.

What happens when you don't feel like doing all that is expected of you anymore?

You take a long hot bath, pray that the desire to press on and hold fast returns, and try to remember all the things you have to be thankful for. I'll let you know how this recipe turns out, in 5 months or so, when I write my next blog entry..

The Civic's curse.

Once there was a little red Honda Civic.  She had her day, her time of usefulness.  She was after all nothing, if not reliable.  She outstayed her welcome, by a few years at least.  This past February I purposely put her in a snow bank to make a point.  Enough really is enough.

It was as though she hid behind this veil of protection, never a dented fender, never a scratch from the car who parked too close.  It seemed she was determined to mock me with her longevity.

We replaced her last March.  Her replacement has been in 2 accidents, the first the front end and last night the back.  It's had a couple of flat tires and a brand new set of four put on...  I have to wonder if she isn't somehow paying me back for every grumbling complaint, and nasty comment? She seems to be saying from her old car haven wherever that is.... "see I wasn't sooooo bad after all!'

He let her stay...... for a little while!

We have night time wanders here at our house, 3 to be exact.

Pumpkin almost never wanders, only if she's had a bad dream, or if it's really windy outside.

Yoni wanders for practical purposes.  His covers are messed up.  He needs more water.  He wet his bed.  He has a bloody nose.  He can't find Girrafe-y.  All good reasons to wander over to the powers that be, who sleep on the other side of the house, he lodges his complaint.  His issues are addressed, all things are righted, and back to sleep he  goes.

Snoofie, she wanders the most frequently.  Her reasons are varied and complex, and sometimes difficult to discern at 2 am.  The other Warden almost always asks her the problem, and sends her on her way straight back to bed, not this morning however.  This morning he let her stay for a while.  She assumed her position arms wrapped tight around my neck, her nose 2 cm.'s from mine, and this morning I was grateful..  Grateful she stayed for a bit to give and receive a little love and reassurance, with her little nose almost touching mine.